When God calls you
For whole morning, I have been listening to old albums of Hill Song. I remembered the time when the first time I heard the songs. It was my second time surrender to God.
I didn't grow in a Christian family, but I went to Christian schools. Therefore, I learned about Jesus since I was young. I also had my aunt and grandma who took me to Sunday School every Sunday. Then at 14, I decided to give my life to Jesus and be His follower. I studied all the books about Jesus Christ, the Savior. I joined catechism classes at church and was baptized not long after I accepted Jesus.
As a new believer, I felt I had known all things about Jesus. I became cocky. I loved to debate on faith matters. Yet, deep inside of my heart, there was a big insecurity. I was afraid of death and I was worried death about my life.
The desperation grew on me and ate my peace away. I became restless and left God when I just joined university. The global economic crisis in 1997 -1998 made things go worse too. That time, I almost couldn't study at university, my mother was sick too, so I was forced by my family to leave school and start working. I was disappointed with life. I left my faith. I was encircled with self pity, defeat and negativity. But somehow, in 1999, God called me back through string of events.
In March 1999, I started joining a Pentecostal church in Surabaya after a long debate with myself. I was being skeptical with gifts of tongues. I got annoyed with the complete musical band. I was like a fish out of my tank! 😆 Then, I made a bargain to God. I asked God to make the preachers talking about mission when I attended the church (one of my wish when I just accepted Jesus was to be a missionary). Somehow.. for whole 3 months, I tested God and attended that church, the preachers all talked about missions!!! ( Later on, I found out that the church had missions months for 3 months in rows).
So, I surrendered to God. I said to God that I would join that church. The first time I said it, I got my first vision in audible and colorful way. It started after the first opening prayer. I saw that there was a big screen coming down from the ceilings. Then the screen played 'via dolorosa', the crucifixion scenes of Jesus Christ. I suddenly got transported there. I saw all the procession until Jesus went up to the cross. Then Jesus saw me right on my eyes and said, "I have done this for you. Would you like to surrender?" I got speechless and I cried with all my heart.
The whole time of getting the vision, I was seen crying on my seat at church. The vision ended when the sermon was about to start. The preacher came up to the stage and said, "God told me there were some people here got vision of crucifixion. For those people, God said, Surrender".
I was shocked. 'How come the preacher knew about it?", that's what I thought. I was skeptical on everything that couldn't be rationalized. But what I had experienced was real. I was healthy in mental and mind. I was not under any medication that time. So, the only logical explanation is the Holy Spirit power.
I started to get back to God in August, 1999. I saw myself as a newly trimmed seedling that was ready to grow. I felt a tug in my heart to be baptized again, this time fully immersed in water baptism. I argued for a month for doing that. But at the end, 3 days after my birthday in December the same year, I decided to be baptized again. Then in a camp at the end of the month, I got baptized by Holy Spirit and started to have a gift of tongue.
At the beginning of 2000, I started my journey to learn about the second persona of Trinity God, the Holy Spirit. I started reading lots of books on the Holy Spirit, seeking who was the Holy Spirit; and somehow I also started to experience some experiences that couldn't be explained by my mind.
Looking back, I was so thankful that God has called me to be His disciple. He took me out from desperation pit, mold me, build me and make me beautiful. Even the greatest despair and set back that later on I experienced, I could bounce back because of indescribable strength. Miracles also happened when I thought there was no way out. I got an 'invisible friend' that teach me, shape me to be a better me. Even in some of my darkest time, I got refuge in HIS dwelling place.
By years walking with Holy Spirit, my characters and understanding about God have grown. The journey has not been an easy route. Sometimes I have to conquer Giants of Disbelief, Monster of Doubt, Thief of Hopelessness, and Swamp of Desperation. But there are also moments that I feel being cherished and pampered by God. The journey is long and tough but bearable because I got excellent company who help me along the way.
There was a poem that left a great impression in my mind that describe the journey with God. It is entitled "Footprints in the Sand"
- Footprints in the Sand-
One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.
After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.
This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."
He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."
So, if God calls you..... say "Yes, God. Here I am"
#christianlife #christianity #Godcallsyou #testimony
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