A Lonely World of Kids
I have met many parents telling about their children's problems. I have met many educators complaining about how their students do not behave properly at school. I have also listened many students complain about how many courses they have to do in a week or a pile of tasks and assignments that their parents and teacher have given to them. This is a never ending circle if we never sit and think about this for a while.
Parents always think that their children must have the things that they didn't have when they were young. So, they work hard to bring the bacon home to shower their children with materials that they longed when they were kids. They think by doing this, the children will be happy and content. Even, they work longer and longer hours outside the house to make sure their children are taken care well. They put their kids in the best schools, hire babysitters or private tutorial teachers to make sure their kids' needs are fulfilled and their education are well maintained. But yet, there's something a miss.
Parents also think that the teachers and school can replace them in educating their children. However, school and teachers will get frustrated if the way of educating a child at school and at home are different. Therefore, sometimes teachers blame the parents, while the parents will blame the educators and schools for failing educating their children.
Meanwhile, the main subject of all - the kids- are sometimes left out in making the decisions. Parents usually do not aware that their children are individuals that have their own thoughts and dreams since they were very young. They have their own passion that might be different than their parents. If the parents just push thing all over, no wonder many kids got frustrated at school following their parents and teachers demand.
There are some reminder about the kids below:
1. The kids' world is PLAYING ZONE !!
Many kids got frustrated at school because they have to sit nicely from morning till afternoon and listen to their teachers. They have to follow rules and behave nicely when they don't really like to do the assignments. Then the students become rebellious because they are dead boring at school! Therefore, teachers must think the way of creative teaching at school where the kids can learn while they are playing. It needs efforts and extra preparation than just prepare a common teaching. Yet, if we, educators, can create a very fun learning environment, the kids will love schools and they will enjoy learning more.
Parents also sometimes put kids in continuously flow of courses- English, Math, painting, drawing, ballet, violin, piano,.. etc from Monday to Sunday. That endless courses outside school absorb kids' energy. The courses become a big burden in their lives and they hate that. Better to let the kids decide their preferences instead of shoving what the parents want for them. They will be happier kids!
2. The kids needs their parents more than anything in the world.
Trust me.. when I ask the kids which one they prefer: a big fancy gift or a father who spend time playing with them - the kids will choose the second. Human needs human interaction. Kids need their dad to give them security. Kids need their mum to feel loved and content. If one of them is missing, there will be incomplete puzzles in their souls. This missing puzzle cannot be replaced by anything. So, yea kids need both parents to grow up stable in their life.
Well, some parents are in the family but they do not exist in the kids' lives. Fathers usually think that kids and household chores are women's world. Fathers sometimes are tired working and hope for a quiet evening. Trust me when young kids around, there will never be a peaceful evening!
So, some fathers acts:
* Ignorant - absent figure
Some dads are there in the family, but never involve in their children's lives. They never soothe their kids' tears, hug and comfort them when the world are cruel to them. Help them in decision making. Be their hero and model. Give them the identity. No, some fathers shy away from that roles which will be a great loss for their kids.
* Selfish
Some fathers selfishly do not care about their kids as long as their needs are fulfilled. They can be abuser fathers who think that their kids are their property - so they can treat the kids what they like. They can be selfish conglomerate who think if they shower their kids with money, things will turn be okay. So, they spoil their kids to rotten. However, this treatment will be backfired in the future since kids will be oppressed and don't have confident so they are failure in society, or become abuser just like his dad.
3. Discipline is LOVE.
Some parents discipline their kids very hard, so the kids become the victims of abusive parents. Some parents discipline their kids too light so their kids live widely and no rules. However, every kid needs discipline in order to have meaningful life.
There is a misconception in society that discipline is harsh, bad so it must be avoided. NO wonder our society become so permissive with teens run wild without any supervisions. When the parents failed to embedded the discipline in their family, there will be the falling society. Therefore, parents need to train and discipline their kids at home. Rules at home need to be discussed together and both parents and kids must commit to do it. Every trespasses either parents or kids both side must be able to contemplate and say sorry for trespassing it. It's not an easy job though. Many parents are too prideful to say sorry to their kids when they made mistakes to them.
I used to teach in a kindergarten. In the class, I had a student. He was a very clever 5 years old boy. Yet, he yelled and mocked his friends. When he was angry, he just hit his friends. Then he became uncontrolled and threw tantrum. I called his parents to ask why this kid behaved like that. The parents asked me back (the one who should know more about their kids are the parents not teachers!) for a solution. Well after a while, I talked to this young boy, I listened to all his rants. Turn out, he had no rules at home. His dad and mum made rules but they kept trespassing it and most of the time they became too lenient to correct his misbehavior. The peak was when he broke the glass window in order to escape from dark room where her mother kept him for his 'punishment'. Then he even can tell stories to his dad and mum to make them fight to each other. WHAT A young boy! I amazed listening to his stories! But somehow I got an idea. I called the parents and we made rules together to be applied at home and school for this young boy. Then the parents and the kid sat down together to discuss about rules at home what to do and not do. Then put the rules on the visible place. If the kid made a mistake, there's a consequence. He lost his favorite movie on TV for a day and sat on a 'thinking' chair on the corner where he must sit down to contemplate about his mistakes then say the reason for his misbehavior and what is the consequences to his mum or dad. Then the parents explained when they corrected him it meant they loved him. At first, there was a big struggle, but since we applied the same method in school and at home, the boy changed. He didn't get angry easily, he didn't hit his friends again. He was happier young little boy. After a month, the discipline became a new habit in his life. What a privilege seeing the happier self of that boy and listening to his stories about how happy he was when his dad spent more times with him and his sister. It's more precious to have a good dad around than the fanciest toy car!
Bottom line, I believe that kids are gifts from God. They are uniquely shaped with different characters and emotions than their parents. They have their own minds and dreams. Our job as parents and educators are directing them to have a fulfilling life. What a lonely world of kids if their dad and mum are busy with their adult world. What a lonely world of kids if no adults want to listen to hear their stories, cry with them and laugh with them. What a lonely world if their dad and mum brick their kids with piles of assignments, courses, nannies, or private tutors in order to create a super child.
Don't let the kids' world become cold. It should be full of colors, laughter and happy tones. Let's free the kids from all the demands of adults world and let them choose to be themselves. Let's start by listening to our children or our students.
Parents always think that their children must have the things that they didn't have when they were young. So, they work hard to bring the bacon home to shower their children with materials that they longed when they were kids. They think by doing this, the children will be happy and content. Even, they work longer and longer hours outside the house to make sure their children are taken care well. They put their kids in the best schools, hire babysitters or private tutorial teachers to make sure their kids' needs are fulfilled and their education are well maintained. But yet, there's something a miss.
Parents also think that the teachers and school can replace them in educating their children. However, school and teachers will get frustrated if the way of educating a child at school and at home are different. Therefore, sometimes teachers blame the parents, while the parents will blame the educators and schools for failing educating their children.
Meanwhile, the main subject of all - the kids- are sometimes left out in making the decisions. Parents usually do not aware that their children are individuals that have their own thoughts and dreams since they were very young. They have their own passion that might be different than their parents. If the parents just push thing all over, no wonder many kids got frustrated at school following their parents and teachers demand.
There are some reminder about the kids below:
1. The kids' world is PLAYING ZONE !!
Many kids got frustrated at school because they have to sit nicely from morning till afternoon and listen to their teachers. They have to follow rules and behave nicely when they don't really like to do the assignments. Then the students become rebellious because they are dead boring at school! Therefore, teachers must think the way of creative teaching at school where the kids can learn while they are playing. It needs efforts and extra preparation than just prepare a common teaching. Yet, if we, educators, can create a very fun learning environment, the kids will love schools and they will enjoy learning more.
Parents also sometimes put kids in continuously flow of courses- English, Math, painting, drawing, ballet, violin, piano,.. etc from Monday to Sunday. That endless courses outside school absorb kids' energy. The courses become a big burden in their lives and they hate that. Better to let the kids decide their preferences instead of shoving what the parents want for them. They will be happier kids!
2. The kids needs their parents more than anything in the world.
Trust me.. when I ask the kids which one they prefer: a big fancy gift or a father who spend time playing with them - the kids will choose the second. Human needs human interaction. Kids need their dad to give them security. Kids need their mum to feel loved and content. If one of them is missing, there will be incomplete puzzles in their souls. This missing puzzle cannot be replaced by anything. So, yea kids need both parents to grow up stable in their life.
Well, some parents are in the family but they do not exist in the kids' lives. Fathers usually think that kids and household chores are women's world. Fathers sometimes are tired working and hope for a quiet evening. Trust me when young kids around, there will never be a peaceful evening!
So, some fathers acts:
* Ignorant - absent figure
Some dads are there in the family, but never involve in their children's lives. They never soothe their kids' tears, hug and comfort them when the world are cruel to them. Help them in decision making. Be their hero and model. Give them the identity. No, some fathers shy away from that roles which will be a great loss for their kids.
* Selfish
Some fathers selfishly do not care about their kids as long as their needs are fulfilled. They can be abuser fathers who think that their kids are their property - so they can treat the kids what they like. They can be selfish conglomerate who think if they shower their kids with money, things will turn be okay. So, they spoil their kids to rotten. However, this treatment will be backfired in the future since kids will be oppressed and don't have confident so they are failure in society, or become abuser just like his dad.
3. Discipline is LOVE.
Some parents discipline their kids very hard, so the kids become the victims of abusive parents. Some parents discipline their kids too light so their kids live widely and no rules. However, every kid needs discipline in order to have meaningful life.
There is a misconception in society that discipline is harsh, bad so it must be avoided. NO wonder our society become so permissive with teens run wild without any supervisions. When the parents failed to embedded the discipline in their family, there will be the falling society. Therefore, parents need to train and discipline their kids at home. Rules at home need to be discussed together and both parents and kids must commit to do it. Every trespasses either parents or kids both side must be able to contemplate and say sorry for trespassing it. It's not an easy job though. Many parents are too prideful to say sorry to their kids when they made mistakes to them.
I used to teach in a kindergarten. In the class, I had a student. He was a very clever 5 years old boy. Yet, he yelled and mocked his friends. When he was angry, he just hit his friends. Then he became uncontrolled and threw tantrum. I called his parents to ask why this kid behaved like that. The parents asked me back (the one who should know more about their kids are the parents not teachers!) for a solution. Well after a while, I talked to this young boy, I listened to all his rants. Turn out, he had no rules at home. His dad and mum made rules but they kept trespassing it and most of the time they became too lenient to correct his misbehavior. The peak was when he broke the glass window in order to escape from dark room where her mother kept him for his 'punishment'. Then he even can tell stories to his dad and mum to make them fight to each other. WHAT A young boy! I amazed listening to his stories! But somehow I got an idea. I called the parents and we made rules together to be applied at home and school for this young boy. Then the parents and the kid sat down together to discuss about rules at home what to do and not do. Then put the rules on the visible place. If the kid made a mistake, there's a consequence. He lost his favorite movie on TV for a day and sat on a 'thinking' chair on the corner where he must sit down to contemplate about his mistakes then say the reason for his misbehavior and what is the consequences to his mum or dad. Then the parents explained when they corrected him it meant they loved him. At first, there was a big struggle, but since we applied the same method in school and at home, the boy changed. He didn't get angry easily, he didn't hit his friends again. He was happier young little boy. After a month, the discipline became a new habit in his life. What a privilege seeing the happier self of that boy and listening to his stories about how happy he was when his dad spent more times with him and his sister. It's more precious to have a good dad around than the fanciest toy car!
Bottom line, I believe that kids are gifts from God. They are uniquely shaped with different characters and emotions than their parents. They have their own minds and dreams. Our job as parents and educators are directing them to have a fulfilling life. What a lonely world of kids if their dad and mum are busy with their adult world. What a lonely world of kids if no adults want to listen to hear their stories, cry with them and laugh with them. What a lonely world if their dad and mum brick their kids with piles of assignments, courses, nannies, or private tutors in order to create a super child.
Don't let the kids' world become cold. It should be full of colors, laughter and happy tones. Let's free the kids from all the demands of adults world and let them choose to be themselves. Let's start by listening to our children or our students.
On Children - Khalil Gibran
(source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/96264510758376940/)
4 Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God is one Lord:
5 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.
9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.
(Deutronomy 6:4-9)
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